There is a girl who
almost remembers things. She remembers
things the way someone who is about to remember a name suddenly forgets it
again. Like sea waves in early spring
that almost roll onto your toes but stop just a few inches shy and then return
to the sea, as you both long for the feel of the water covering your skin and
yet exhale relief because the water is so very cold.
She waits for
dreams but they are so often the same.
She waits for someone to tell her something. She is so used to accepting. Accepting and accepting and accepting. Some say this is a virtue, but acceptance can
be the first stage of surrender. She no
longer fights, because she accepts. She
gives up.
There are many ways
to die. She died believing she had
survived. But all that survived were her
involuntary functions, like breathing, and hoping. Everything that moved under direction was
murdered. There can be no free will. There can be nothing left that opens all of
the doors in the hallway. There can be
no way through the red straw network.
There can only be walking.
Walking and walking and walking.
And there must be
acceptance. Her life was forfeit. It was never meant to be practiced. It was meant to be sacrificed to the greater
cause. If only the buffoon hadn’t been
such a buffoon. The great buffoon who
accidentally saved them all by being so very useless and weird. It does not matter who you are or where you
came from if you are weird, and, therefore, unpredictable. Close counts in more than just horseshoes and
hand grenades.
He was a fool. Even with fools he could not fit in. He was a fool who fools despised, because he
did not know he was weird. His genius
brain betrayed him. Everything and
everyone betrayed him. It was a family
full of nuclear silences. The bomb has
yet to go off. Instead the leaking
radiation is killing us all.
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