Saturday 31 December 2016

Starting over



And when I choose to come here again                                                                     
will it snow how it did in my dreams
                        will I be

a story worth telling

                                    because the sadness—

it crackles in the night
           
for you           
the mistake worth regretting

                                                the faraway voice        filled with belonging

do you see where eternity ends

did you know that you were my friend
this planet a box that holds me

when she could not worship the sun               for so long she yearned to sleep         

but the storm came rolling in
                        the storm came rolling in

a million miles of prairie grass

and your golden-haired girl                            exposed once again

unsure how the course of right became the final turn wrong
how her rabbit-hole time for falling   

                                    just      gone


gone



gone

 a triumph but for you 
my one truth worth deceiving
a child’s dream for tomorrow so good           it deserved to be buried
behind the wall a red she had never seen                  

           
if I had                        discovered

yet not been found


would your golden-haired girl           
be six feet underground

I guess this was why you had to go
maybe I should have known

but the sadness—
no one told me it would come with the leaving


especially not you 

my last hope worth believing


Thursday 29 December 2016

The Road Less Traveled


With shaking hands Kitty pulled the key fob out from her pocket; attached was a tiny flashlight she used during the darkest months of the Wisconsin winter, when her mother forgot to leave the porch light on.  For one beautiful moment she could see where she was going.  And then a voice behind her hissed, “Turn that off before you are discovered!”

Tuesday 27 December 2016

Next

They say riddles are clues
but clues in a fortress
If only the dragon would let me pass
Ah little girl, he says
you must solve the first riddle
to prove you are ready
I ask him what the first riddle is
and he laughs
He says that is why I am not ready
I cannot even hear the riddle
He says I know the words
No one stops my ears
but me
He says the riddle is my first clue
That I will hear it when I am ready
I say this is another trick
another stall
But he says no
he is the master of ceremonies only
I am in charge
I will know the riddle when I say it out loud


The Beginning


There is a dragon in the elevator
He will not tell me his name but
I know it
I’ve heard it in my sleep
He says, Stay asleep, little girl
I will not harm you

Friday 23 December 2016

Addiction



I left you                                                                    
                        I did
that was me who limped behind
who whimpered and begged as
fear threatened me blind

            but I left you
                        yes, I did

Your voice now I must ignore
oh, and it sears and it soars, and it
roars with the ferocity of a
jungle cat

            because I left you back there
            with the imploring stare
            on your face

                        yes, I did

Old truths fill the
black hole where
I buried the leaking need
for you
I know all about incurable wounds

            So much and for so many weepy and
            lonely afternoons
            I meant to leave you
            for so much, my friend
                        and I did

It cost me the destruction of an atomic rage
poisoned the air with its smoke-orange memories
maybe it will melt my blistering heart
maybe it will leave me to freeze in the
drift of its nuclear winter
when the death that crouches in wait for me
crouches close for you, too

            forgive me for pulling this scratchy scarf
            over my eyes  
            forgive me, love, because I was made to leave you

                        and I did

Wednesday 21 December 2016

Birth


Let me tell you what I know about
my broken heart
this is the rhythm of it falling apart
toss the stones in the river because
we are
we are coming up for air again

What did I even know about
guilt and sin
all of the dreams that
I was dying in
it was a curse it was a blessing it
was utter nothingness
until it skidded and came crashing
home

No telling how the earth will
record this disaster
whistling dixie in the wind
as if I had the answer
            ballet with fractured form
tripped up by vengeful rapture
the hammer flung against
the wall

Dismantled piece by piece into
a million parts
buried back with Santa at
the Christmas tree farm
what is dead is what is real to
the falling apart
we heard the siren but not the
alarm

I wonder how I will know when
the sky becomes my master
when dreams of yesterday stop
mocking me with laughter
tomorrow is today tornadoes
circling my trailer
I was wrong over
and over again

Now I whisper to the wind about
my broken heart
failing in slow motion
not a subtle art
toss the stones in the river because
I am
I am here alone at the end




Tuesday 20 December 2016

Camouflage


No one mentioned Debbie’s name at work.  “What happened?” he asked himself in the mirror each night before bed, just after he brushed his teeth.  One moment she had been standing next to the cart, complaining about tropical oils and the avocado Jonah had slipped in with their groceries.  And then he was holding the perfect strawberry in winter, talking to no one.  Only Bill, who Jonah sometimes came across in the cafeteria during their mutual mid-morning coffee break, had said to Jonah, “I’m sorry about Debbie, man.”  Jonah pretended not to hear him.  He just asked if Bill knew who had won the game last night.

Saturday 17 December 2016

Friday 16 December 2016

Forsaken



I nail my hair to the floor
whisper through the strands

                Oh my Hosanna
                do you hear me tonight?
                oh my Hosanna
                shoot me a sign because
                I lift you up
                                I lift you up
                until you are the

highest  
                               
                                                I cast you              you take flight
                                                into this deconstructing night
                                                rain shining hammers
down
                                                                upon my head
                                                upon the dead memories I
                                                scatter on your altar
like lilies
                                                                                                resurrected

For you I know of fires
                                around my eyes they burn
                                they bring me here with
                                crooked fingers

                I shoot you higher
                count the nails tumbling from my hands
                                you forgot me      left me here
                a thousand angels with tar-pitched wings
                                they drag me to this precipice
                they drag me here
                                life is for the jumping
               
oh my Hosanna Hosanna in the highest
               
                                                you bury me like a stick
                                                after you have broken off the buds

                to cast you            to take flight

                                they drag me here
                                call me fool to my face
                                show me my swelling toes underneath
                                your heels

                                                and these nails
tumble
upon my head

                                Yes, for you I have known of fires
                                with crooked fingers I
                                pray to you
                                through the ravaged ends of
my hair

the floorboards hear me
pity me


Thursday 15 December 2016

Omniscience


No road led to anywhere safe. I could never again be either my mother’s punching bag or Christine’s project, to compensate for all of the failure in their own lives. Nor could I divorce Rick. Whatever or whoever he was, my soul—my entire being—had merged with his. It was ludicrous to think I could leave him now. To leave Rick would require me to kill the last part inside of me that still clung to life. 

And yet neither could I just carry on. Each choice I made, each breath I took, led to disaster. I no longer believed in the future. I wasn’t even sure I believed in love anymore—at least, not the redemptive kind. All I did know was that I felt like a shattered piece of china glued back together one too many times. I had no idea who or what to trust, who to blame, or who to forgive. But the terrified child inside of me refused to be silenced. She would not leave me be. 

The truth could no longer be avoided. I was damaged beyond repair. This time there would be no gluing me back together again.


*From my novel The Abduction Myth, FREE to download today!

For the U.S. click here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KI6XNJU
For the U.K. click here:  https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01KI6XNJU

Wednesday 14 December 2016

The Abduction Myth FREE today & tomorrow!

Download my novel The Abduction Myth for free today & tomorrow on Amazon!

For the U.S. click here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KI6XNJU
For the U.K. click here:  https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01KI6XNJU

A love story thousands of years in the making...


The Day After


It was not the water I feared but the coming

                                                down

                        the expelling of the clouds from my lungs
            I was not alone but I could feel the earth tearing

                                                it was torment it was joy
                                    it was for one morning dream to know
                                                I would not be           

broken
           
            Until full of torture full of faith I woke up in another place

                                    The coming back
                        the coming
down
                                                           
                        back here where all one can do is breathe
           
air

            believe in me   because it is not the water I fear
           
                        to cast a net
            to hide in a shadow
                        to be that misleading and without any meaning
                                                            when I am this full of
             
            impossibilities inside

                        and as I lay here alone I would not complain
                                    if I could just resurrect

                                                what we killed to survive
                       
            In a bold moment
            I said it had been worth it
            but knew you did not believe me       and neither did I

                        my black and blue hope you were hearing     

                                    to come
                                                to fight
                       
I am so tired of death

            please 

                    let it just once be life

                 

Tuesday 13 December 2016

Reborn


where did I go to

just to be loyal            
to one last deception
cycles of wishing
no chance to be faithful

when I meant to love you       
screams made me leave you
heavy as warheads
this fear almost fatal

here in your believing
triumph is fleeting
from so far away
no tongues left to speak in

so our silence becomes as
cold as the season
each yesterday we kill            
another act of treason

            but could it be             could it be       that she creeps up behind you
            could it be       could it be       that whispers will deny you   

                        no tears and no words             no soul for the selling
                        too much to pay                      to keep her from telling

since pain could not be swayed
a slow train runaway again
            the line for redemption
            from here to forever
and that jail you broke out of
the last portal to heaven

time is a monster                     asleep under the carpet
so easy to trip up on                to cover in never
with purples and yellows                    not just for pictures

but her yesterday sees            
her tomorrow remembers

because your shame hid away
a slow game come to play again
            the mercy you traded
            bursting with color                                                     
and what you thought finished
only just started

                        I could never love you
                        hope made me leave you
                        the damned has its day
                        trust still in the cradle

now here in this leaving
one stopped the bleeding
from a day unintended
night saved for dreaming
           
where have you gone to
crouched in a circle
you married the flame
this death for your trouble

if only for tomorrow
one last declaration
a lifetime of knowing

I will be faithful


Monday 12 December 2016

A Slow Twisting Place, Chapter 65

Chapter 65 of my serialized novel A Slow Twisting Place is available to read here.  Only 2 chapters left!!