Sunday, 11 May 2025

Busted

 

Ursula sent Andy a long email, in which she denounced him as an emotional cripple.  She also compared him to her father, who had never loved anything but the family dog, and said neither of them (Andy and her father, not the dog) had no idea what emotional intimacy was.   I’m sure you’ve already stopped reading by now, she sniffed at the end, but she was wrong.  Andy read the whole thing.  He even showed it to Jake, who had a good chuckle over it.  

“Women,” Jake snorted.  “Always so damn superior.  Talk about needing a psychiatrist, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, whadya want with a chick named Ursula?  I’m telling you—stick to the women with normal names.  The ones who sound like they should be in a Bond movie are always psychopaths.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Andy answered.  But he wasn’t smiling.



Bus Error, Core Dump

 

“It’s about Mom," Jonah said.

"What about her?" Jack asked, his eyes still glued to the television. "Did she burn another pot roast on Sunday?”

“Yeah.  And she’s got a brain tumor.” 

Jack whipped his head toward Jonah.  “A what?”

“A brain tumor.  They can’t operate on it.  Dad says she’s got a few months.”

“To live?”

“Yeah.”

Jack sat back, his expression like someone had just hit him in the stomach with an empty beer pitcher.  “Holy shit. How long have you known?”

“Since Sunday.” 

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“You know how they are.”

Jack made a rude noise. “But only a few months…really?”

Jonah nodded.

“But she still has all of her hair and whatever!”

“They’re not going to do chemo. It won’t help, so Mom doesn’t want it.”

“Dad's going along with that?”

“He said it’s up to her.”

“Oh, great. He’s leaving critical life-or-death decisions up to the biggest ditz on the face of the planet." Jack jumped up and grabbed his coat.  “I’m going over there. Someone has to talk some sense into her, and it seems like I’m the only one in this family willing to do it.”

The door slammed behind him.

A couple of hours later Jack stomped back into Jonah’s living room.  “It’s amazing we were born with any brains in our head, considering the morons who conceived us,” he said bitterly. “No chemo, no radiation, no nothing. She’s just giving up.”

“The doctors said it was hopeless."

"But even if there's a remote chance that treatment would work, isn’t a remote chance better than no chance?” Jack crumpled his jacket into a ball and chucked it across the room.  “I just can’t believe this. I had no idea.”

“She has been acting weird lately, I guess.”

“Who can tell?” Jack shot back.  “She’s always acting weird. How was I supposed to know that this week it meant she had a terminal illness?”