Tuesday, 28 April 2015

January's Relapse


Most remained here with me

I gave some to the wind                       the wind that separated my toes

but something stayed crept poked inside
mocking me with icicle whispers to
never mind the frost outside
inside is just as cold

whatever stole into my pillowcase
left me silenced
crystallized the dripping ceiling
buckled the paneled walls

I could never begin to wonder how
it came to happen
how I whimpered for it to go away     
yet still forgetting to scrape off the scent
that yesterday is a dangerous thing

this something has left my cheekbones bruised
this something has cut into my knuckles
why God has given me these fingernails                      I do not know

but maybe forgiveness hides in the mattress
maybe in the frozen droplets trapped
on the branch’s edge...

Most remains here with me

Monday, 27 April 2015

Unfinished


The Man Who Could, But Didn't (Pt. 1)


Joe lived in the mountains.   He thought they were the most beautiful mountains in the world.  Every evening when he watched the sky turn orange behind them, he felt like the luckiest person alive.

In the morning Joe would wake up happy, because he loved his job.  He worked at the bottom of tallest mountain, where he operated the ski lift.  As a child he used to watch the ski left ascending into the sky and the people disappear into the clouds like angels.  Nothing made him happier now than to be the one who helped the skiers fly up into the heavens.

And there were many, many skiers.  In Joe’s village everyone loved to ski—everyone, that is, but Joe.  He had never liked it.  His parents had tried to make him learn, but gave up in despair when he insisted on going down the bunny hill on his bum, no matter what they promised him.  He didn’t even care when his older brother Will made fun of him and called him a scaredy cat.  The moment he strapped skis on he felt cold and miserable.  Speed did not interest him.  He was content to appreciate the mountain from the bottom.

So Joe attached himself to the people who operated the ski lift and they taught him all about it.  By the time he was done with school he already had his dream job waiting for him.  Will, who had made the local ski team as an alternate, pretended he didn’t know who Joe was whenever he was in line for the lift.  Joe didn’t mind.  He didn’t much care for Will either.

One day Joe received a call from Jilly, the operator at the top of the ski lift.   She loved working at the top of the mountain as much as Joe loved working at the bottom.  “I don’t feel very well,” she told Joe.  “Do you think you could come up here and take over?”

Reluctantly Joe agreed.  He usually avoided riding the ski lift at all costs.  Jilly needed help, however, so Joe left his assistant Mark in charge, strapped on his skis, and felt himself transported up into the mists.

Sunday, 26 April 2015

Notebook, 2013


If tomorrow is here then so be it
But don’t ask me to say amen because
I won’t believe it I won’t believe it I
won’t believe it.

The Veil

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
--1 Corinthians 13:12

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Notebook, 1990


I have a secret words
will never find,
images I tucked
away.

I once heard a voice.
It beckoned me,
singing,
tell me your secrets,
your hopes and fears
and jealousies.
I whispered back in the
safest voice I could
reveal,
my dreams mean nothing
to you.

Diary entry, April 20, 2014


This is evil. 

You think you know.  You can never know.  You will never know anything other than a name that means nothing to you.  You are trapped in the network.  The hallway has no exit.  The bicycle has no wheels.  If you step outside of the red lines there is nothing to stand on.  You will fall.  You will fall, and you will not even remember how to scream, but it won’t matter.  Because no one would hear you even if you did.  You are a story I sold for a million howls of laughter.  For a million screams of pleasure.  You are nothing.  You were just one more born to serve a purpose, and now you are used up.  No wonder you question living.  You know there is no purpose left for you.  I tore you into tiny pieces and gave bits to any who asked.  I did this because you are useless.  No one cared then, and no one cares now.  You are a piece of lint to be flicked away, blown into nowhere.