I remember...

...being 12 years old, and thinking to myself, only six more years.  I could survive anything for only six more years.

Hewn

Journal entry, February 5, 2008

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the box.

One foot in this world and one foot in the other.  Why would anyone want to stay there?  To close my eyes and dream forever.

A girl’s voice I thought I wanted to forget.

Today joy was in the terrier’s face as she bounced along the road.  Profoundly satisfied by the day’s events and unexpected adventures.

Today sadness was the tired face of someone who has been chronically ill for longer than she is used to.  Predictability can be a lovely thing.

One foot in this reality and yet to never seem quite real at all.  Was I just reading as a child or educating myself for the reality to come?  Everything and nothing makes sense anymore.

Nothing was meant to be remembered let alone examined and understood.

Diary entry, May 16, 2013

I am tired.  I hate moving.  But it’s my own fault, isn’t it?  Everything is my own fault.

I am an idiot.  An idiot who never learns.  I am a tired idiot who never learns.

I hate myself.  I wish I didn’t.

Not my father's tree...

The coming crisis

“God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars.” 
― Elbert Hubbard

Journal, May 29, 2000

A car length away from entering my zone
until I fell through the open door

**********************************************

We are wasted in daydream
born again in reality
it hurts but better than 
feeling nothing 
at all.