Tomorrow and tomorrow

where did I go to

just to be loyal            

to one last deception

cycles of wishing

no chance to be faithful

when I meant to love you       

your god made me leave you

heavy as warheads

this fear almost fatal

here in your believing

triumph is fleeting

from so far away

no tongues left to speak in

so our silence becomes as

cold as the season

each yesterday we kill            

another act of treason

            but could it be             could it be       that she creeps up behind you

            could it be       could it be       that whispers will deny you   

                        no tears and no words             no soul for the selling

                        too much to pay                      to keep her from telling

since pain could not be swayed

a slow train runaway again

            the line for redemption

            from here to forever

and that jail you broke out of

the last portal to heaven

time is a monster                     asleep under the carpet

so easy to trip up on                to cover in never

with purples and yellows                    not just for pictures

but her yesterday sees            

her tomorrow remembers

because your shame hid away

a slow game come to play again

            the mercy you traded

            bursting with color                                                     

and what you thought finished

only just started

                        I could never love you

                        hope made me leave you

                        the damned has its day

                        trust still in the cradle

now here in this leaving

one stopped the bleeding

from a day unintended

night saved for dreaming

where have you gone to

crouched in a circle

you married the flame

this death for your trouble

if only for tomorrow

one last declaration

a lifetime of knowing

I will be faithful

No turning back

            “Olivia is not well enough to leave behind—if she remains here she undoubtedly will be imprisoned, a fate she does not deserve.  We will have to bring her with us,” Philippe shouted to Kitty, over the roar of the car engine.  “You, however, still have the option to remain.  Your mother will be kindly treated by my people.  Should you wish to stay here, our people here will help you to create a new identity and begin a new life.”

“So much for soul mates, then,” she snorted, but Philippe furiously returned, “I would come back for you as soon as possible.  Surely you know that.”

            Kitty shook her head.  “No!  Just  no.  I’m coming with all of you—where to, I have no idea, but I’m coming along, so stop trying to talk me out of it.  I’m not going to let whoever wants to kill me just hunt me down like a dog.  Aunt Jessica should stay, though.”

            “You can’t leave me here!” Aunt Jessica protested.  “How on earth am I supposed to explain everything that happened?  They might even think I did it!”

            “She has a point,” Eric put in.  “It might be better for Olivia as well, to have her sister near.”

            When Aunt Jessica nodded vigorously, Philippe told Jessica, “But you do not understand--if you come with us, you will never be able to return!”

            “Sounds good to me,” Aunt Jessica shouted back.  Philippe turned to Kitty, his expression uncertain.  “You must remain here—that is beyond argument," he said.  "As for your family, this is not a decision I feel qualified to make on their behalf.”

            “Then I’ll make it!” Kitty answered, and floored the gas pedal.

Tuesday's child

This is not how I meant it to be.

This is not who I meant to become.

These are not the memories I

expected to replay in my

head as I remembered who

I once had been.

Détente

What if I loved you?

I ask him.

What if I loved how you

think about molecules

racing,

or slowing,

about color,

about owl calls in

the night?

Because I know you

do.

You are no weapon.

You are a boy who listens

to the flow of water in a

stream,

who once had a love affair

with equations.

We could end the war,

rather than start it.

George is quiet for a moment.

Well, he says, you will look

up the difference between

reptiles and amphibians

now, so there might be

something in all of this.

How much we will see.

There are still the dolls to

contend with.

Inevitability

I bumped into the memory man

the other day—

(we’ve been crossing paths often

lately)—

I listened to small things which

gave me small reactions.

But when he arched his eyebrows

as if asking, was I ready?

I left the memory man where

I found him and

conveniently forgot where

that place happened to be.

The only thing is that

he knows how to find me

he finds me every day

and every day he asks the question

and every day I say, “No thanks.”

One of these days, I guess.

It will be one of these days.

Goodbyes

            “It’s about Mom,” Jonah said.

            Still watching the game, Jack returned, “What about her?  Did she burn another pot roast on Sunday?”

            “Yeah.  And she’s got a brain tumor.”

            Jack whipped his head back toward Jonah.  “A what?”

            “A brain tumor.  They can’t operate on it.  Dad says she’s got a few months.”

            “To live?”

            “Yeah.”

            Jack sat back in the booth.  He looked as if someone had just hit him in the stomach with an empty beer pitcher.  “Holy shit,” he finally said.  “How long have you known?”

            “I found out on Sunday.”

            “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

            “I don’t think they’re really telling anyone.”

            No longer looking quite so shell shocked, Jack retorted, “Not even their own son?”

“Well…you know how they are.”

Jack snorted.  “Do I ever.  But only a few months…really?”

            Jonah nodded.

            “But she still has all of her hair and whatever!”

            “They’re notgoing to do chemo--it won't help.  So Mom doesn’t want it.”

            “What about Dad?”

            “He said it’s up to her.”

            “Oh, great.  He’s leaving critical life-or-death decisions up to the biggest ditz on the face of the planet,” Jack said, and grabbed his coat.  “I’m going over there.  Someone has to talk some sense into her, and it seems like I’m the only one in this family willing to do it.  I’ll see you later.”

              A couple of hours later Jack stomped back into Jonah’s living room.  “It’s amazing we were born with any brains in our head, considering the morons who conceived us,” Jack said bitterly.  “No chemo, no radiation, no nothing.  She’s just giving up.”

            “According to Dad, the doctors said it was hopeless.”

            “And since when do doctors know what the hell they’re talking about?  They were still using leeches on people like ten years ago!”

            “I don’t know about that-”

            “My point is, even if it’s a remote chance that treatment would work, isn’t a remote chance better than no chance?” Jack protested.  “I just can’t believe this.  I had no idea.”

            “Didn’t you notice she’s been acting weird lately?”

            “Who can tell?” Jack shot back.  “She’s always acting weird.  How was I supposed to know that this week it meant she had a fatal illness?”

Out of reach

They say riddles are clues

but clues in a fortress

If only the dragon would let me pass

Ah little girl, he says

you must solve the first riddle

to prove you are ready

I ask him what the first riddle is

and he laughs

He says that is why I am not ready

He says I know the words

No one stops my ears

but me

He says the riddle is my first clue

That I will hear it when I am ready

I say this is another trick

another stall

But he says no

he is the master of ceremonies only

I am in charge

I will know the riddle when I say it out loud