Unexpected

I buried the doll behind a tree.  Just as I was arranging some sticks and dead branches to camouflage the grave, a small, champagne-colored mass of fur appeared from behind a bush.  

Either it had no legs, or its legs were camouflaged by its fluff, because it barely cleared the ground as it walked over to me.  It was impossible to feel afraid of the creature, though: something about it was strangely appealing, even if its head seemed too large for its body, and its face was so flat that it almost curved inward.  

The creature considered me with dark, globular eyes.   I just stood there, uncertain, until it barked in a friendly sort of way.  Only then did I realize it was a dog.  “Hello,” I said. 

The dog bared crooked teeth at me in a comical attempt at a smile.

“What are you doing here?” I asked it.

The dog snorted.

When I then sniffled, drying the last of my tears with my sweater sleeve, the dog shuffled over and gently head-butted my ankle.  I leaned over to pet it, which the dog seemed to like very much.  Suddenly grateful, I kissed its head.  It smelled like vanilla cake.

Inevitability

We are the paint peel chipping.

Dangling over the prickly

bushes.

Waiting with an eye

toward falling.

I wonder who I will be

when I am cut and

bleeding—

I wonder who I will be

when I have

given up.

It is like the blanking of

a color screen.

The bleaching of forest

green carpeting.

Hold my hand for just

a little while--

we are moving

and fading

on and on.

Growth

On Saturday morning she slipped into unconsciousness.  Once the doctor had confirmed what they already knew his father retreated to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee.  Jack also drifted out, not giving a reason why.  

Jonah reached over and took his mother's hand.  As she left them all behind something about her seemed so peaceful—so beautiful—that Jonah did not let go of her hand again until the nurse came in.

Loss

This sea          filled with raging suspicions

polluted by the debris         of 1000 amazing inventions

not one in which I could believe

Control

Her glassy eyes drove me mad.  In a fit of rage, I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I could find.  She said something in that dull, mechanical voice of hers but no longer listening, I slapped her down onto the counter.  I then raised the knife high in the air like a human guillotine and smashed it across her neck. 

Her round plastic head jerked back.  As it teetered on the edge of the counter she cast me one last glassy-eyed look.  Finally her head fell to the ground and rolled across the linoleum floor, unimpeded, until it came to rest underneath the industrial sink.

I set the knife aside.  When I pushed my fist into her dolly stomach, nothing happened.  I had done it.  She was silent at last.

Aware

If tomorrow is here then so be it

But don’t ask me to say 
amen because I

won’t believe it I won’t believe it I

won’t believe it

Surrender

Yes, the water is cold

January sea freeze makes even the sand shudder

no warm-weather month in sight

                my molecules for so long racing

                colliding

                begging

                for the slowing

the midnight water is cold for me

this is the time

                In the summer as the ice cream bell was

                                ringing

                watched them running

                knew they would be

     all right

Some fisherman embracing this

icy body

he will find me

by my blue silence he will know

                lost interest in breathing

                this air so full of riddles and

     rhymes

When fear of damnation gave way to fear of life

                always the smoke from my fingertips

                as the flames gutted me inside

cleansed my faith in waiting

hope extinguished with

the coming tide

Because the water is cold here

and hesitation’s wounds were bone dry

                turn my head to the black sky fading

                to the moon deserting what must die

even God in his kingdom

must forgive those who

gasp for breath as

they cry

because the water is cold enough

this once

and I must

                swallow it

                swallow it

fill the thirsting void

tonight

No more debating

when there is nothing for saying

                          I will be all right