Camouflage

No one mentioned Debbie’s name at work.  “What happened?” he asked himself in the mirror each night before bed, just after he brushed his teeth.  One moment she had been standing next to the cart, complaining about tropical oils and the avocado Jonah had slipped in with their groceries.  And then he was holding the perfect strawberry in winter, talking to no one.  Only Bill, who Jonah sometimes came across in the cafeteria during their mutual mid-morning coffee break, had said to Jonah, “I’m sorry about Debbie, man.”  Jonah pretended not to hear him.  He just asked if Bill knew who had won the game last night.

Forsaken

I nail my hair to the floor

whisper through the strands

                Oh my Hosanna

                do you hear me tonight?

                oh my Hosanna

                shoot me a sign because

                I lift you up

                                I lift you up

                until you are the

highest  

                               

                                                I cast you              you take flight

                                                into this deconstructing night

                                                rain shining hammers

down

                                                                upon my head

                                                upon the dead memories I

                                                scatter on your altar

like lilies

                                                                                                resurrected

For you I know of fires

                                around my eyes they burn

                                they bring me here with

                                crooked fingers

                I shoot you higher

                count the nails tumbling from my hands

                                you forgot me      left me here

                a thousand angels with tar-pitched wings

                                they drag me to this precipice

                they drag me here

                                life is for the jumping

               

oh my Hosanna Hosanna in the highest

               

                                                you bury me like a stick

                                                after you have broken off the buds

                to cast you            to take flight

                                they drag me here

                                call me fool to my face

                                show me my swelling toes underneath

                                your heels

                                                and these nails

tumble

upon my head

                                Yes, for you I have known of fires

                                with crooked fingers I

                                pray to you

                                through the ravaged ends of

my hair

the floorboards hear me

pity me

The Day After

It was not the water I feared but the coming

                                                down

                        the expelling of the clouds from my lungs

            I was not alone but I could feel the earth tearing

                                                it was torment it was joy

                                    it was for one morning dream to know

                                                I would not be           

broken

           

            Until full of torture full of faith I woke up in another place

                                    The coming back

                        the coming

down

                                                           

                        back here where all one can do is breathe

           

air

            believe in me   because it is not the water I fear

           

                        to cast a net

            to hide in a shadow

                        to be that misleading and without any meaning

                                                            when I am this full of

             

            impossibilities inside

                        and as I lay here alone I would not complain

                                    if I could just resurrect

                                                what we killed to survive

                       

            In a bold moment

            I said it had been worth it

            but knew you did not believe me       and neither did I

                        my black and blue hope you were hearing     

                                    to come

                                                to fight

                       

I am so tired of death

            please 

                    let it just once be life

                 

Reborn

where did I go to

just to be loyal            

to one last deception

cycles of wishing

no chance to be faithful

when I meant to love you       

hate made me leave you

heavy as warheads

this fear almost fatal

here in your believing

triumph is fleeting

from so far away

no tongues left to speak in

so our silence becomes as

cold as the season

each yesterday we kill            

another act of treason

            but could it be             could it be       that she creeps up behind you

            could it be       could it be       that whispers will deny you   

                        no tears and no words             no soul for the selling

                        too much to pay                      to keep her from telling

since pain could not be swayed

a slow train runaway again

            the line for redemption

            from here to forever

and that jail you broke out of

the last portal to heaven

time is a monster                     asleep under the carpet

so easy to trip up on                to cover in never

with purples and yellows                    not just for pictures

but her yesterday sees            

her tomorrow remembers

because your shame hid away

a slow game come to play again

            the mercy you traded

            bursting with color                                                     

and what you thought finished

only just started

                        I could never love you

                        hope made me leave you

                        the damned has its day

                        trust still in the cradle

now here in this leaving

one stopped the bleeding

from a day unintended

night saved for dreaming

           

where have you gone to

crouched in a circle

you married the flame

this death for your trouble

if only for tomorrow

one last declaration

a lifetime of knowing

I will be faithful

Windows

“Olivia is not well enough to leave behind—if she remains here she undoubtedly will be imprisoned, a fate she does not deserve," Philippe shouted to the assembled group, over the roar of the car engine.  "We will have to bring her with us.”  He turned to Kitty.  “You, however, must remain.  Your mother will be kindly treated by my people, so you need not worry.  Our agents here will help you to create a new identity and begin a new life.”

“So much for soul mates,” she snorted, but Philippe furiously returned, “I would come back for you as soon as possible.”

Kitty shook her head.  “No.  Just  no.  I’m going—where to, I have no idea, but I’m going, so stop trying to talk me out of it.  I’m not going to let whoever wants to kill me just hunt me down like a dog.  Aunt Jessica should stay, though.”

“You can’t leave me here!” Aunt Jessica protested.  “How on earth am I supposed to explain everything that happened?  They might even think I did it!”

“She has a point,” Eric put in.  “It might be better for Olivia as well, to have her sister near.”

When Aunt Jessica nodded her agreement, Philippe argued, “But you do not understand…if you come with us, you will never be able to return!”

“Sounds good to me,” Aunt Jessica answered.  Frowning, Philippe said to Kitty, “You must remain here—that is beyond argument.  As for your family, this is not a decision I feel able to make on their behalf.”

“Then I’ll make it!” Kitty said, and floored the gas pedal.  Philippe dove for the steering wheel, but it was too late: Kitty had steered the car straight into the shimmering window.

*From my upcoming YA series, A Window to the World

Aftermath

The telling has no place here

this place is green from the rain

nothing gagged and nothing bit down

he convinced me to tell he does not know my name

there is no turning back

After the war

“You cannot attempt the passage again,” the King said.  “We have reason to fear it could kill you.  You must stay in the Exterior.”

“But-”

“You are needed here.  This is where you belong."  

There was a long pause in which Kitty struggled violently with herself.  Not until the King insisted, “Kitty, please,” did she whisper, “All right.”

“Thank you.  It is for the best.”

Kitty wasn’t so sure about that.  But just as she meant to tell him all of the things she’d been holding back for years now, another blurry form appeared in the room.  “Leo!” Kitty exclaimed.   “I'm so glad to see you!”

“And you, Miss Katharine," the King's guard answered.  "I am grateful you are well.”

“You weren’t hurt in the battle, were you?”

“No, indeed not," he assured her, and took a step closer.  "I hope you will not think me too forward, Miss Katharine, but there is something I wish to say to you.”

Kitty waited expectantly.

“Come back with us.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Come back with us,” Leo repeated.  “You belong in our world as much as you belong here.”

Kitty looked over at the King, but he remained silent.  Leo could not know what the King had just told Kitty.

“There is no need for you to stay in this world,” Leo continued.  “You would miss nothing.  Your mother is beyond your reach, and your brother is resilient.  They would tolerate your loss much better than we here who know you would.”

Kitty thought of how her mother had sobbed after her father and brother died, and of how frightened Jack had been when Kitty disappeared a year ago.   “I don’t know if that’s true,” she said carefully.   “But even if it is, I think I should stay here.”

“In our world you would be adored.”

With a faint smile Kitty replied, "I don’t really have the right temperament to be adored.  But thank you very much for the offer.”

*From my upcoming YA novel, A Window to the World