Unprepared

Worried about Jack all over again, Kitty  toyed with the King’s chess board before leafing through some picture books she found on a shelf.  From what she could tell they seemed to concern Interior wildlife.  Although she couldn’t read the print, she could appreciate the photographs; they were marvelous, yet a startling reminder of just how foreign the Interior truly was.  An uncomfortable sensation began to overtake Kitty, as she gazed at a picture of what resembled a pink polka dotted deer.  Here she was, in a world no one in Beaumont knew existed, sitting in a king’s apartment like it was a totally normal thing to do.  But it wasn’t.  How could it be?  None of this made any sense.  Most of the time Kitty was willing to just go with it, but exhausted, stressed, and a tiny bit freaked out, she suddenly wished she were back home—believing all that existed was just the crappy life she already knew.

Frozen

I am not well, I tell the dragon.

Still.

Yes.  I know.

My head hurts 

It feels strange 

I don’t know what normal is anymore but

I want to remember

I want to remember what it

felt like to hold my head in place

to not feel as if it was either going to

fly off

or pull me down to the

bottom of the ocean and

hold me there

an anchor I cannot escape

I am not allowed those memories anymore

I am not allowed any memories at all.

Maybe if you asked.

I don’t want to ask.

Then what do you expect?

I don’t know

Nothing

And that is the problem.

Knowledge

I am not well, I tell the dragon

Yes, he answers, I know

But last night I heard you

I heard you nearly speak the riddle

out loud

You stopped yourself

Why?

You are mistaken, I answer

I do not know the riddle

I am tired, and I am not well

I cannot be alone

I am scared and exhausted with the effort

of being awake

It feels like I have been awake forever

I dream of snow

of running in it

of hearing the crunch of my footsteps

on the ice

I dream of diving into the water

so deep

and not needing air

I wish I had never seen it

never heard it

never known it

I wish I could only remember it

as I ran in the snow

Starting over

And when I choose to come here again                                                                     

will it snow how it did in my dreams

                        will I be

a story worth telling

                                    because the sadness—

it crackles in the night

           

for you           

the mistake worth regretting

                                                the faraway voice        filled with belonging

do you see where eternity ends

did you know that you were my friend

this planet a box that holds me

when she could not worship the sun               for so long she yearned to sleep         

but the storm came rolling in

                        the storm came rolling in

a million miles of prairie grass

and your golden-haired girl                            exposed once again

unsure how the course of right became the final turn wrong

how her rabbit-hole time for falling   

                                    just      gone

gone

gone

 a triumph but for you 

my one truth worth deceiving

a child’s dream for tomorrow so good           it deserved to be buried

behind the wall a red she had never seen                  

           

if I had                        discovered

yet not been found

would your golden-haired girl           

be six feet underground

I guess this was why you had to go

maybe I should have known

but the sadness—

no one told me it would come with the leaving

especially not you 

my last hope worth believing

The Road Less Traveled

With shaking hands Kitty pulled the key fob out from her pocket; attached was a tiny flashlight she used during the darkest months of the Wisconsin winter, when her mother forgot to leave the porch light on.  For one beautiful moment she could see where she was going.  And then a voice behind her hissed, “Turn that off before you are discovered!”

Next

They say riddles are clues

but clues in a fortress

If only the dragon would let me pass

Ah little girl, he says

you must solve the first riddle

to prove you are ready

I ask him what the first riddle is

and he laughs

He says that is why I am not ready

I cannot even hear the riddle

He says I know the words

No one stops my ears

but me

He says the riddle is my first clue

That I will hear it when I am ready

I say this is another trick

another stall

But he says no

he is the master of ceremonies only

I am in charge

I will know the riddle when I say it out loud

The Beginning

There is a dragon in the elevator

He will not tell me his name but

I know it

I’ve heard it in my sleep

He says, Stay asleep, little girl

I will not harm you