Cracked

The driftwood keeps knocking in my head
death toll for who I was
traitor with nowhere to hide
ceramic vase broken
where I stored something
very much alive
tapped until the crack first appeared
encouraged, tapped a little more
and a little more and a little more
until it smelled daylight
sent the crushing blow

this is not the person I wanted to be
this was not where I wanted to live
these are not the memories I wanted
to decorate my hallway with.

But the neglected only answers,

oh, well.

Now welcome home.

Welcome home.

Lost

Something could break every word you spoke

make you sound like you were choking

Foreboding

Kitty’s mind raced as the dark forest moved in streaks around her.  Although she didn’t feel afraid, she did feel terribly disoriented, like one woken up from a dream.  Somehow she just could not pull her thoughts together.  All she could focus on was the fierce breathing of the horse, his hooves clattering against the hard ground beneath them.

Haunted

Most remained here with me

I gave some to the wind                       the wind that separated my toes

but something stayed crept poked inside

mocking me with icicle whispers to

never mind the frost outside

inside is just as cold

whatever stole into my pillowcase

left me silenced

crystallized the dripping ceiling

buckled the paneled walls

I could never begin to wonder how

it came to happen

how I whimpered for it to go away     

yet still forgetting to scrape off the scent

that yesterday is a dangerous thing

this something has left my cheekbones bruised

this something has cut into my knuckles

why God has given me these fingernails                      I do not know

but maybe forgiveness hides in the mattress

maybe in the frozen droplets trapped

on the branch’s edge...

Most remains here with me

Over

Where is                                  here I am        

gone home without you

when I would rocket from the world

out of an ocean so impossibly asleep                                     

is the rain your final call

because I am wondering what this was for

           

why you ever loved me

why you do not anymore

there is no witness here

only ghosts of words that nudged into breath

the shape of a fool      shivering and wet       

your blanket thrown over the bed one cold night too late

 my eyes, heavy with dreams 

but you—                  

very much awake

how I welcomed the chance to be wrong

to never ask why you had to leave

why you had to come at all

was it to drift away from this eroding shore

or was it

not wanting to be sorry

not wanting to be felt sorry for

one last secret for memory to keep

Now our half-truths ship out

under cover of a cloud-filled sky

the sun you once spoke of

never any friend of mine

                                   

can you feel it rain

can you?         

Impasse

You tell me

You tell me who I am

I am too tired for questions

Take your riddle and set it alight

I am sick to death of it

go ahead, blame me

I’m used to it

There is a dragon in

the elevator

he knows where I am

if only I could un-know 

myself

Lost

I wandered around lower Manhattan, searching for some kind of clarity that never came.  Nothing made sense anymore.  It felt as if someone had led me out of Socrates’ cave, and informed me that what I’d believed to be blue for eighteen years now had actually been green all along. 

God, I just wanted to make it blue again.