The Deepest Cut

I saw you then the knife

always you first

it kills in two hits

I would never know

back and forth

back and forth

even once to be close enough

how hard I wished it away

but the lie was everything

to you

Knowledge of the Other

Here we are again, I say to the dragon.

Yes, he answers. Here we are again.

I am tired

I wait for the snowdrops each year

and they come

and I admire them

but the wonder is gone

this was why I never meant

to know.

The riddle. When?

There is no riddle.

Just whispers that eat away at denial

not the rotten bitter kind

but the type that keeps the

hopeless alive.

You are still afraid.

You are ruled by fear.

So easy to say when you can burn

what torments you

I do not have that luxury

I must stand on my toes to look over it

try to admire the

snowdrops in the

garden

I must make peace with

dwindling denial

that blue sky I saw it

I believed

now I am resigned

tell me

is this victory?

There is no winning,

the dragon tells me.

There is only acceptance.

Remember the riddle.

It is your only choice.

Lost in the Ether

There is a devil in my closet

I am not afraid not afraid

Do you want to go on a picnic?

No.  No.

We should take the roof way

I am a thousand dreams of

yesterday burnt through

We will float in the stars 

like a dying planet in search 

of black holes.

We have no choice

the sky never forgives.

Locked In

I beat the walls
scream for mercy
give me just a little
escape
for all of my bleeding
you must believe me
I could never turn traitor
now

Here, Alone

She has a memory.  One beautiful memory.  Held in the palm of her hands, so that no one else might find it and steal it from her.  Of that one summer morning, while they still slept.  The pavement of the driveway cool on her bare feet as she stepped into the shadow cast by the tree in the front yard, and the sun burned golden at its edges.  No one must have this moment.  It must never be touched.

Because she must hold it so close to herself, she cannot hold onto any others.  Pictures framed in broken glass fall through her fingers, because there must only be one world.  One world, underneath the tree, where no one else exists.  Let the others sleep.  Let them all sleep.  She is a girl standing in the shadow of a golden halo.  She must never step out.  She must live here forever.

Ghosts

And the whole world falls apart 

explodes outside of the window
so that out there in
the darkness
nothing exists
nothing ever was

Someday my mind may break
someday my mind may snap
but you, little world,
you will tell me to believe in 
daydreams
to bleed so that you may live
to kneel so that you may rise

1988

If I raise my arms

and try to fly

only the sun will be

out of my reach

when the sun is

all I desire.

For a century, at least,

I have stood here

with my arms clasped

to my side

waiting for the dew to share

its secrets with me.

For a century, at least,

I have stood here and

waited

my palms facing 

the sky

my eyes turned toward

the sun.