Thursday, 7 September 2017

The Crossover



A crack
the smooth stone in my hand
mist on the grass
gone

We splintered into warnings:
not yet.  Not yet.
So sorry to hear you cry
for the piercing pain between
your eyes
this sorrow 
not their suggestion 
but a fact
god, let me stay

sent back

Kiss the trees for me, lovely
I am longing
I am so afraid

Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Blocked



Tell them
tell them all
I am as full as the earth
as empty as the sun

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

The Birth of Fire




I blinked at the traitorous sun streaming in through the blinds.   With a start I bolted into an upright position.

It was morning.

Julia cast a nervous glance behind her to the empty doorway.  When she returned haunted eyes to me, the hair on the back of my neck stood straight up on end.  Instinctively I pulled my blanket over my mouth, in anticipation of the Poltergeist moment I knew must follow.  “Rachel,” Julia hissed.  “He’s here.” 

There was no question as to which “he” she referred to.  Bryan, the oldest son.   Somewhere in the house.  Waiting for me.  

“Don’t make me go,” I begged Julia.  Her face blotchy with tears, she hugged me hard.  “It’s okay,” she croaked out.  “You’re going to be fine.”

Yeah, right.  That reassurance might have been more credible were I not about to be carted off to a far-away land called Massachusetts by the right hand of the devil.  No one wanted Bryan around.  No one wanted me to live with him.  Yet Julia had abandoned all attempts to save me.  I had no choice.

Wriggling out from Julia’s embrace, I hit the floor and started running.

“Rachel!” Julia cried.  “Come back!”

I ignored her.  She would never catch me—not with those smoker's lungs of hers.  Normally I was a shy, submissive child, but desperate times called for desperate measures.  If I had to spend the next month hiding out in the prickly bushes in Julia’s backyard, that was just what I would do.  At my last doctor’s appointment I’d heard the doctor call me small for my age.  If anyone could survive on the occasional berry, it was me.   

And if hanging out in the bushes failed, well, maybe I would get saved by a pack of wolves, or abducted by a crowd of friendly aliens.  It happened in Disney movies all of the time.  Why couldn’t it happen to me?  There was at least a chance.   There had to be.  Because I would not go anywhere with him, I would not go anywhere with him, I would not go anywhere with him…my frantic determination rocketing me forward, I rounded the corner of the hallway. 

The tall, dark-haired man appeared before me so suddenly that I never had the chance to avoid him.  With a startled gasp I crashed straight into his legs--and then went flying backwards, on a collision course with the decorative table holding one of Julia's beloved antique flower vases.  

My head was inches away from catastrophe when a strong pair of hands caught me.  Stunned yet otherwise unharmed, I curled my fingers around leather jacket sleeves.“Hey, little girl,” a male voice said from above.  “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

I looked up.  When my rescuer smiled I blinked hard.

He lowered himself down before me.  Dark blue eyes regarded me closely. “Did I hurt you?" he asked.  "I'm sorry about that.  If I'd known you were coming I would have gotten out of the way.  Are you all right?” 
  
I nodded, robbed of the ability to speak.   Because I had met this man before.  I even knew his name, and why he had come here.  But he seemed much too safe, and smelled far too good, to be the person we had all been bemoaning for the past fourteen hours.  How could he be the same person?  He couldn’t be.  And yet he looked exactly like him!  “Who are you?” I whispered.

“You know who I am,” he answered, and with that the last vestiges of my fear vanished forever.   The immediate love I felt for Bryan Jennings was as inevitable as it was baffling.     

“Let’s get you dressed, missy,” he said.  As he lifted me up into his arms I saw Julia, standing in the hallway behind us.  She was looking at Bryan with an expression that let me know she would hate him forever.  

“I told you last night what time I was coming,” Bryan growled at her.  “Rachel should have been ready an hour ago.”  His words left tiny icicles in their wake.  

But I didn't care.  Because my life with Bryan Jennings had begun.

Monday, 4 September 2017

Running Away




I think I can hear it
the pinging in my ears
they were never welcome
we roll around
crash into walls
it hurts
leave me then
your scarlet testimony
what falls in pieces
I am done here
I am done with it all


Sunday, 3 September 2017

Cold



So many trains
all leading to distant December destinations
crammed full of strangers breathing
clouds against the windows’ glass
as they exhale their expectations

            Convinced we knew the future from what was
            afraid to confront the past in
            what we had
            become

But for the desperate promise to find
a summer unknown
we dismantled the track that would 
lead us back home

            No one remembered the snowstorm in
            the mountains
            how we yearned to crash
            to ride this shivering disappointment
            right down to its
            final gasp

When all aboard ride the night train alone
mark the passing of the time with the
falling of the
snow
No use in unpacking for tomorrow    
tomorrow is a thousand midnight
dreams of color
away

Saturday, 2 September 2017

Judgment






















I have considered you as
I watch the creeping
mold overtake the
paint on the
walls.
As the dampness of an
unventilated room drowns
each molecule of
air.
And I wonder which inevitability
chased my belief in you 
away.
But whatever took me down the
other road--
it becomes simply another 
irrelevant
better left unknown.

And just when I thought I had made
myself old over wishing for 
something to whisper like a
kind stranger into 
my ear,
I understand, and I do not
blame you
I find myself catching the edge of
every movement of atmosphere even
the leaves have forgotten,
listening
waiting...

Friday, 1 September 2017

The Impossible Dream



















tell the boy with the red straws 
I am not coming back
take care of the dogs
the cats and the
pirate kids
this dark edifice 
locked doors and
stone hallways
courtyards and windows and 
signs with directions
the network is broken
so is our ending
morning was lost
the dolls with knives took it
now all I want is the
afternoon
please