Sometimes I'm okay. It’s just that I keep coming back
to the not being okay. I don’t want to
keep coming back. I want to forget the
way, so that I can never come back here again.
I want to walk out of these hallways, out into the light, and never look
back. I want the boy with the red straws
to wave goodbye to me from the stoop, a little smile on his face, because he
knows I will never be back. I want to
leave all of the dogs and cats with him, because I know he’ll take care of
them. I want to see Mike jumping up and
down, hear him shouting, “Good luck,” while Mary laughs at him. I want Helga and even Ron and all of the
others to be gathered behind the pirate kids, everyone waving goodbye and none
of us feeling sad because this was how we all, secretly in our heart of hearts,
hoped it would end. I want to leave them
to turn the giant, dark school building with the hallways that go everywhere
and nowhere into a university with courtyards and windows and signs with
directions. I want them to leave me to
walk off into the forest illuminated by mid-day sun.
The morning has
gone. All I want now is the
afternoon. Please.
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