In
the red straw network there is:
*no
hope
*no
telling
*no
entrance
*no
exit
*no
talking
*no
timeline
*no
travelling
*no
sharing
*no
smoking
*no
milk with cereal
Thank
you for respecting the rules. Carry on
with your business.
But
your legs get a little bit heavier. And
the strings get a little bit longer. And
the knots feel a little bit tighter. And
the joke gets a little bit harder to laugh at.
A
harsh beautiful place, this memory horizon.
If you squint your eyes you can see the moon.
There
isn’t much I can see anymore.
I
am losing. You don’t just suddenly stop
losing. You think about why you’re
losing, you despair that you are losing, you blame the universe for losing, you
write self-pitying poems about losing, you come up with reasons why losing is
not really losing, you give yourself pep talks about losing, you brainstorm how
to stop losing, you develop five-point plans to halt the losing, you wonder if
we are all really losing, you become heavy and tired with losing, you think
maybe if I get a haircut I won’t keep losing, and then you find that after all
of this you are still losing. And not
only are you still losing, but you are now losing by so much that winning
becomes unrealistic, so you start coming up with easier goals, like
“accepting,” or “taking small steps” or “adapting.” But in the end you will just be losing again.
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