Murk

No road led to anywhere safe.  I could never again be either my mother’s punching bag or Christine’s project, to compensate for all of the failure in their own lives.  Nor could I divorce Rick.  Whatever or whoever he was, my soul—my entire being—had merged with his.  It was ludicrous to think I could leave him now.  To leave Rick would require me to kill the last part of me that still clung to life.

And yet neither could I just carry on.  Each choice I made, each breath I took, led to disaster.  I no longer believed in the future.  I wasn’t even sure I believed in love anymore—at least, not the redemptive kind.  All I did know was that I felt like a shattered piece of china glued back together one too many times.  I had no idea who or what to trust, who to blame, or who to forgive.  But the terrified child inside of me refused to be silenced.  She would not leave me be.

The truth could no longer be avoided.  I was damaged beyond repair.  This time there would be no gluing me back together again.

*From my novel The Dragon in the Elevator, revised and soon to be re-published.