Isolation

I could hear the three of them talking in the kitchen.  His sardonic voice matched his pictures, which did nothing to bolster my nerves.  But there was no avoiding it.  After taking a deep breath I forced myself to crutch into the lion's den.

The three of them were seated at the kitchen table, drinking coffee; when they saw me their conversation came to an abrupt end.  Hawk beamed, and David smiled, but Jesse just stared at me as if I'd sprouted wings and a horn on my forehead.  “Here she is,” Hawk said, like he always did.  “Come join us.”

I made my way over to the table.  David pulled out a chair for me, directly across from Jesse.  “Megan, this is Jesse,” he said.  “Jesse, Megan.”

“Hello, Megan,” Jesse said, but he was frowning.  Unsure of what that meant, I produced only an indecipherable gurgle in return.  “She’s a shy girl,” Hawk told Jesse with a chuckle.  “We haven’t coaxed more than a few words out of her yet, but we’re working on it.”

Still frowning, Jesse replied, “Maybe she just can’t get a word in edgewise.”

“Very funny,” Hawk returned.  “But, go ahead—see if you can do better.”

“I’m sure I can’t.”

“Well, this conversation won’t help,” David put in, and turned toward me.  “Would you like some breakfast?” 

I shook my head. 

“I’ll make you some tea,” Hawk said.  As David kept an eye on his elderly father, now filling up the kettle, he remarked to me, “It’s not easy for a female to break into a household of males.  All we can do is hope that Jesse will find himself a wife and give you a sister-in-law for company.”

Jesse rolled his eyes.  Alarmed for some reason, I blurted out, “I’m sure I’ll be back in Madison soon.”

David went very straight.  Hawk, too, stopped what he was doing.  But it was Jesse who said, “Why would you want to do that?”

“I have to finish school.”

“You can do that here,” David protested.  “That’s right,” Hawk said, “our university is excellent.  Jesse teaches there sometimes.  With your grades I’m sure you’d have no problems getting in.”

“Of course not,” Jesse said.  “You can’t go back to Madison by yourself.  The weather there is terrible—it would be impossible for you to get around in winter.  And you wouldn’t have anyone to help you in case of emergency.”

“There are other disabled people there,” I argued, choking on the word ‘disabled.’  “I could take the bus.  And if I were in trouble, my friends would help me.”

“Those friends will not be reliable,” Jesse retorted.  “You need people around who you can count on 24/7.  Someone you met in class isn’t going to fill that role.  Anyway, I’ve been to Madison, and that campus is enormous, not to mention hilly.  A bus won’t be able to bring you door to door to most of the buildings.  I understand it must be frustrating to have to start over somewhere else, but most of your credits will probably transfer.  Your life has changed—you need to change with it.”

I lowered my eyes, afraid that any moment I might start screaming or crying or both.  Your life has changed.  He made this pronouncement so matter-of-factly, but I was the one living it, not him.  Anyway, just because he was my much older biological brother didn’t give him the right to lecture me.  “I want to go back and finish my degree,” I said.  “I’ll be fine.”

My pronouncement was met with total silence.  Amazing how these three men I hadn’t even known a year ago felt  they had the right to make my decisions for me.  “Well, that’s nothing we have to worry about now,” David finally said.  “Let’s just concentrate on your physical therapy for the time being.”

“Excellent idea,” Hawk agreed.  I thought I heard Jesse snort, but I couldn’t be sure.  All I did know was that I had just been patronized in the worst way possible.