Notebook, 1992

Dear me—

Hi there.  I won’t ask how you’re doing because I know, so...I guess you’re doing all right, you’re still smiling sometimes, although yesterday you were pretty angry over a dumb dominoes game.  I know, it wasn’t the dominoes game that made you mad.  I know it upset you when Ryan wouldn’t leave you alone, why won’t he leave me alone when I ask him to?  Anyway, you’re spinning and sinking again, I can tell, which doesn’t make you very happy although you know why.  I know you’re just sick of all this crap, you wish it could be over and you wish you could make your past vanish, or at least not matter, but you can’t.  Just accept it.  Yeah, I know, it’s hard to accept.  You’re getting that scared despairing desperate fear again in your chest, it had left you alone for a few weeks but it’s back again, like it or not.  The world’s not going to disappear any time soon.